Lizard Love
by Chanooa
Summary: Jackson and Derek have a secret relationship that they must hide from the others. Basically, this is a weekly explanation of each episode from 205 on from a Jerek PoV. M just in case.
1. Venomous

When Jackson got into the basement, he was pleased and confused to see his secret lover, Derek. Derek, however, looked somewhat less pleased. Looking around, Jackson took stock of his surroundings. He was in the abandoned subway station that Derek inhabited, and his arms were being held by two of his lover's Betas, one of which had dragged him from the school. Jackson now understood the dark look on the Alpha's face; he was hiding his feelings for Jackson for the benefit of his lackeys. Long ago, the pair decided to keep their relationship a secret. Jackson was surprised to find that he was planning on keeping his secret from his pack as well. In public, they were little more than strangers. Behind closed doors, however, the couple shared a passionate affair.

Jackson struggled weakly against the two strong wolves, putting on a show. Derek didn't dare look at his lover, fearing that his face would betray his emotions. "What happened to you on the night of the full moon?" Derek asked, keeping his eyes coolly on the floor.

"What? Nothing. Nothing happened!" Jackson spat back. In truth, he was angry about the fact that he hadn't turned. He wanted desperately to be a part of Derek's pack. Derek wanted it too, though he was hesitant to bite his lover. He feared that the boy would die instead of turning. At the time, they weren't lovers. Afterward, their relationship began. They ended up spending time together, trying to figure out why Jackson survived without turning. In that time, their love for each other bloomed.

Derek raised his eyes to Jackson's, looking up from his seated position on the floor. Jackson was taken aback by the look in the man's eyes. He wore a dark expression, but Jackson could tell that Derek was in pain. This made the boy nervous. "You're lying," Derek said, returning his eyes to their resting position on the floor.

The conversation continued, and the pair carried on with their charade. They put on a convincing show for Isaac and Erica, though Jackson was careful not to lie. He knew that they would be able to sense it. He realized that Derek had probably said that he was lying earlier to make up for the fact that his senses were giving off lying signals. He almost felt like laughing at his lover's quick thinking.

Suddenly, Jackson realized that he was in more than just a game. Isaac forced his mouth open while Erica continued to restrain his arms. Derek approached him with a broken piece of glass. Jackson could see the pain in his lover's eyes. He knew that Derek wouldn't ever want to hurt him unless it was completely necessary. He saw the reflection of his own face, contorted with confusion and fear. Derek's complacent mask broke for a second, showing the pain he felt at possibly hurting his lover. Jackson knew that there was a possibility that he was the kanima, so Derek had to test him.

Submitting to his fate, Derek watched the gleaming drop of venom slip from the point of the shard of glass, slipping into his mouth. Immediately, he could sense the poison taking effect. His tongue went numb at the point of impact, spreading to the rest of his mouth. The paralysis moved through his entire head before slipping over the rest of his body. In a matter of seconds, he fell, the two Betas allowing him to slip to the floor. Panic seized the boy's brain as his immobile body lay helplessly on the floor.

He watched through hazy vision as Derek's dark face reflection his distress. The man wanted badly to go and help his lover, but he knew that any sign of compassion may betray his feelings to his pack. This would compromise his authority, and possibly put Jackson at risk with the hunters. However, he was relieved to find out that Jackson wasn't the kanima. Going over to his vulnerable lover, Derek bent down to his beautiful face. The look of terror made his heart break, but he forced out a few lines about Jackson being a snake before he was unable to stand the sight any longer. He retired to his subway car, waiting until his Betas were gone to break down.

Derek clenched his jaw as he bided his rage. Scott was yelling at him, trying to convince the man to leave Lydia alone. However, the boy had realized that Derek knew less than he'd let on. "What about Jackson?" Scott said. Derek's face fell at the mention of his lover's name. Memories of the boy lying on the floor, paralyzed and helpless flooded his head. He felt guilty, and he also felt fear. He still didn't know why Jackson hadn't turned, and he was afraid that it might mean something bad. "That's why you tested him, isn't it? Because you gave him what he wanted, didn't you?"

"Scott-" Derek said, fed up. He was losing his patience with the boy, who was giving voice to his deepest, darkest concerns.

"Peter said the bite either kills you or turns you!" Scott continued. "You were probably hoping that he would die."

Derek retreated into himself. Hearing someone else say his deepest, darkest secret out loud scared him. Every day, he regretted the fact that the only reason he bit Jackson was to get rid of the cocky boy. Since then, he'd fallen in love and couldn't imagine a life without him. It made him sick to think that he wanted his lover dead, and the memory haunted him.

"But nothing happened, did it?" Scott said, making Derek feel a bit better. Maybe the ends justify the means? "You have no idea why, do you?"

Derek was quiet for a second, composing himself. "No," he growled through gritted teeth. Memories of the nights the two had spent together flooded his mind. They searched for a reason why Jackson neither turned nor died together. In these late nights spent studying, he'd fallen in love.

Scott prattled on about some theory that he had that Lydia and Jackson were immune. Derek had long ago decided that there was no alternative to killing the kanima. He thought of Jackson lying on the floor of the subway station, helpless and scared. He imagined that abomination standing over him, ready to kill the boy that he loved. "Look, I can't let her live!" Derek burst, staring intently at Scott, though his mind was on protecting Jackson.

Jackson's stomach sank. He could feel some sort of transformation coming on, like he had before. His senses heightened as his body began to react to the moonlight coming through the window. He smelled Lydia on his skin, and her and Stiles and Allison outside. He smelled Erica and Isaac, too. Further away, he could smell Derek. He realized that Derek was outside of the house, waiting for Lydia.

He doubled over in pain as the transformation spread across his body. His skin hardened in blotches, turning green and scaly. His vision got sharper, as did his claws and teeth. Suddenly, he thought of Derek standing alone outside, smelling him and Lydia inside the house. Surely the Alpha knew what was going on inside the house. He felt like crying as pain rippled through his spine, a tail beginning to extend from his body. Why had he given in? Why did Lydia still have the same hold over him? Was it just their history? In truth, he felt sorry for the lonely girl. He didn't want to break her heart, but he had to. Why had he kissed her? He regretted the decision as he fell to the floor, his smooth, scaled head in his hands.

Derek stared up at the monster as sirens blared from far away. That monster had kissed Jackson. He could even smell the boy on it. Anger flared within him as his flashed red. He would relish killing the abomination. The hideous beast screeched, and Derek's face hardened. Looking at the rows of sharp teeth and venomous saliva, he wondered urgently if Jackson was okay. He wondered if kissing that atrocity had paralyzed him.

The creature scurried off, leaving the group on the front lawn, staring at an empty night sky. Looking at the empty space where the creature was, Derek thought of Lydia, who had been so close to Jackson for so long. He thought of all of the opportunities that she'd had to kill him. He thought of how close his perfect boy had come to death.

Banishing these thoughts, Derek looked down at his two paralyzed Betas. "Get them out of here," he said to Boyd, dealing with the matters at hand. He was trying to devise a way to sneak into the house and check on Jackson after he'd been in that monster's grasp. Suddenly, Lydia walked through the front door. Derek's stomach sank and his eyes filled with tears. He tried to catch his breath, feeling as if someone had punched him in the gut. If Lydia was here, then there was only one person that the kanima could be. His face hardened and he felt like vomiting. He whispered in sync with Scott. "It's Jackson."


	2. Frenemy

Derek vaulted over a chainlink fence, landing masterfully on the ground below. His glowing red eyes looked up to see Jackson's tail disappear around a corner. With renewed energy, he set off after the kanima. He tried to push away any thought associating the creature that he was chasing with his mate. Jackson was a perfect, handsome albeit smug man with great hair. This was a scaly lizard that liked to kill people.

Whipping around corners and through damp alleyways, Derek pursued the abomination as it crawled through the downtown area of Beacon Hills. Eventually, he lost sight of the creature. He couldn't associate any smell with the kanima, and the stealthy beast was an expert at moving silently. With all of his wolf senses failing him, Derek slowed to a stop beneath an overpass. As he caught his breath for a moment, he thought about the possibility that this creature was biologically more advanced than himself.

This worrisome doubt was short lived, as Derek noticed the kanima drop down onto the asphalt behind him. Turning around, the Alpha roared threateningly at his foe. He knew that he would have to beat it into submission before finding some way to restrain it safely. He worried that the Argents would get to it first, and possibly kill his mate. He focused on the fight at hand as the lizard shot forward at him.

Dodging several swipes, Derek found himself with his back to a wall. He swerved around behind the beast as it swung its razor-sharp talons over his head. Having turned the tables, Derek readied himself to cut the beat into ribbons. Suddenly, the Alpha realized that he was fighting Jackson. It was all too easy for him to allow his wolf sensibilities to take over, especially while fighting. Instead, he settled on kicking the beast, shoving its back against the wall. It screeched horribly, making Derek's sensitive ears ring. Staring angrily at his prey, he jumped forward and punched with all of his might, narrowly missing the kanima as he broke through a concrete column supporting the road overhead. Chastising himself quickly, Derek tried once more to get his inner-wolf under control. The kanima took this opportunity to ram his shoulder into the wolf, driving him to the hard ground. Noticing an old car door littering the ground, Derek picked up the piece of metal as a set of talons made their way for his abdomen. He was sure that it would be easier to control his urge to kill his foe if he went on the defensive.

Quickly, Derek realized the flaw in this plan as he found himself between another concrete column and the kanima, only the weak metal between the two keeping them from killing one another. Roaring in the creature's face, Derek pushed the door against the lizard, shoving it to the ground. Dropping the door, he chased after the creature until it climbed up a column, onto the top of the overpass. Derek looked up, trying to guess the abomination's next move. An unexpected flash of blinding light filled the Alpha's vision as the kanima tore at an electrical wire, making brilliant sparks illuminate the gloomy location. Seizing this opportunity, the kanima dropped down and grabbed the blinded wolf, throwing him to the ground.

Suddenly, tires screeched behind the pair as headlights shone through the columns. In almost no time at all, hunter Chris Argent began firing shots into the kanima, spilling its dark blood on the asphalt. Derek watched helplessly as he regained his vision. A moment of panic filled his chest as he sprang up, ready to help his mate against the hunter. He then realized that the hunter was probably doing him a service. Hearing the heart of the kanima still beating through its wounded chest, Derek took off into the night.

Running in the direction from which he came, the Alpha felt a sort of nervousness take him over. What were the hunters going to do with Jackson? Would they be able to kill him? Somehow, Derek doubted that. The beast would have been dead long ago if they knew a definite way to kill it. Still, he felt guilty about leaving his lover in the clutches of those awful people. A far off screeched echoed through the dark city, ensuring Derek that his mate had eluded the hunters.

Turning on his heels, he decided to follow the general direction of the shriek. He hoped to find Jackson before he did any more damage. Somehow, he felt responsible for the boy. Only a few hours ago, he was thoroughly convinced that there was no way that the love of his life was a monster. Somehow, their complicated relationship seemed to be as convoluted as any relationship could be. This new revelation, however, took it to an entirely different level. Yet, still, deep within him, Derek felt that he would fight for them. He had serious doubts about whether or not their love could overcome these hurdles, but he knew that he would die fighting for it. He knew that he would never give up trying to make it work.

This train of resolute thought was broken when Derek suddenly caught on to a very familiar scent: Scott. He knew his former Beta's scent well, and caught onto it quickly. Following the scent, he realized that the boy was following the kanima. He twisted and turned through the alleys until the scent trail ended at a road. He saw Stiles and Scott standing at the side of a large, industrial brick building, staring at the sky. Following their line of vision, Derek saw a scaly tail disappear through a window on the roof.

Wasting no time, Derek immediately jumped at the brick wall and began to climb toward the roof. Had the building been somewhat shorter, or the wall been slightly less sheer, he would've made it. However, with conditions as they were, his claws slipped from the damp brick and he fell onto the earth below. Waiting for a few moments for his broken ribs and spine to heal, Derek began to look around for another entrance. He realized that, yet again, his inner-wolf had taken over, making him act before thinking. This sort of rash behavior would end poorly, Derek realized. Still, he stood, shaking the gravel from his leather jacket as he stretched his newly healed spine.

Making short work of the bouncer at the back door, Derek snuck into the large building. He thought that it would be some sort of factory, but was surprised to see that it was actually a makeshift dressing room. Several men were sitting in front of mirrors while applying makeup and adjusting their wigs. Unable to focus on anything but his goal, the man ignored the questions and catcalls of the drag queens, making his way through the tiny room and into the club.

Lights bounced off every surface in the dark club. It was a massive room filled with people, most of whom were men. His sensitive hearing did him no good, since music pounded through the massive building. He was sure that he wouldn't have even been able to hear someone next to him talking, much less the heartbeat of a lizard from yards away. His red, wolfy eyes surveyed the crowd. It was nearly impossible to make out any distinct shape in the crowd of people, since everyone was moving and milling about. To make matters worse, the club was very dark. Normally, his night vision would've helped, but the bright flashes of colored light bouncing around the room made it even more impossible to see anything. He settled on pushing his way through the crowded club until he noticed something.

Slowly, he milled about until he smelled something familiar. Once again, his nose picked up the scent of Scott. Narrowing his vision across the crowd, he managed to catch a quick glimpse of the boy's face as a flash of light hit him. Derek noticed that the boy was staring at the ceiling. Quickly following his stare, Derek saw the kanima just before it disappeared behind a cloud of fog rolling out from a machine. He continued to walk to where the creature would have dropped down. As he made his way through the dense fog, he saw several people fall to the floor, paralyzed. Recognizing the kanima's work, he followed the trail of bodies to Scott and the lizard creature. Reaching out to grab his mate, Derek noticed that he was standing next to the paralyzed body of Jackson's best friend, Danny. He imagined the guilt Jackson would feel over hurting his best friend. He imagined the boy getting overcome with grief.

Roaring angrily at the beast for causing his mate such distress, Derek reached out and slashed the kanima's throat with his claws. Dark blood covered the dance floor and his hands as the beast fell to the floor. The crowd parted as people started to notice the bodies on the floor. Screams rang through the building as Derek hurriedly made his way back out, through the back door. He began panicking as he ran through the dark alley behind the club. His brain filled with questions as his chest filled with emotion. He stared down at his bloody claws.

Had he killed Jackson? Could a kanima survive having it's throat ripped out? Grief and guilt overcame him. Tears pushed his eyes from behind, and his knees felt weak. He began to stumble, and fell onto the sidewalk. How could he do such a thing? He knew that his inner-wolf would get him in trouble one day. In fact, when he first realized Jackson was the kanima, the first thought that popped into his head was an image of him being out of control while fighting, and accidentally killing the boy.

Taking a deep breath, Derek looked up. He saw people spilling from the club, and realized that he'd only made it to the parking lot before collapsing. He was kneeling behind a parked car, with his bloody hands splayed out in front of him, as if he were praying. Praying that he hadn't actually done it. Praying that he didn't have the capability to hurt his mate. Suddenly, an idea struck the man. It was almost too dark to even allow into his conscious thought, yet it seemed to spread quickly through his mind and take hold: If he couldn't live in this world without Jackson, he wouldn't live in it at all.

With trembling hands, Derek reached into the inner-pocket of his leather jacket. He procured a large bullet, now smeared with the blood on his hands. Tears obscured his vision as his body shook. Should I really do this? Is this too drastic? But how can I live with the guilt of killing the only person I will ever love? How can I go on without Jackson? With no family, and no friends, Jackson was the only thing tying Derek to this world. And now Jackson was gone, and his blood was on Derek's hands. The bullet burned the bloody skin on his fingers, irritating his hands. Since he'd been shot with a bullet filled with wolfsbane, nearly losing his arm and his life, Derek made a point of carrying around a bullet filled with monkshood. Burning the substance and inhaling the smoke was the only cure for wolfsbane poisoning, and the stuff wasn't easy to come by. Now, however, he had a more insidious usage for the bullet. Pulling off the top with one hand, he peered into the tiny capsule. Flakes of dried blue flowers jostled inside of the metal casing as his hands trembled.

Opening his mouth, Derek brought the substance to his lips. The metal burned his bottom lip slightly as he pressed the open container against it. He thought about the future he'd promised Jackson: one day, they'd be able to live together. They would find somewhere free of hunters and packs, and the two of them could live out their days in peace. It didn't matter where they were, as long as they had each other.

A cough interrupted his deep thoughts. He would've ignored it, but something else caught his attention. As he contemplated suicide, the smell of the monkshood had filled his nose. Now, however, a quick whiff of another scent brought him out of his depression. At first, he thought that his mind was playing tricks on him. He thought that his guilt-ridden brain had conjured up the scent to remind him of what an atrocity he'd committed. Peering out from behind the car, however, he saw a familiar form: Jackson.

Naked and bloody, the boy was lying between the car he was crouched behind and another one. Dropping the bullet, Derek began to cry. His mate was alive! The boy was coughing and sputtering, clearly unconscious, but still breathing. He ducked back behind the car as Scott crouched down to Jackson, trying to help him. Derek's entire body was racked with sobs as he began crying. He managed to keep quiet enough that the two boys in front of the car didn't seem to notice.

Derek wanted nothing more than to run out and hug his mate. He wanted to embrace the boy, and run away with him. Kanima or not, as long as Jackson was alive, Derek was happy. However, his sensibilities quickly overtook him. He knew that Scott shouldn't know about their relationship. Furthermore, he knew that the kanima situation had to be dealt with. Peering out once more, Derek saw Jackson's body disappear from view, the two boys carrying him to Stiles' Jeep. Calming himself, he gained control of his senses. From now on, Derek would need to focus his every waking moment on controlling the boy, and saving him from himself.


	3. Restraint

Jackson kept the smug look on his face, trying to convince himself of the victory. But inside, he felt hollow. He shrugged Sheriff Stilinski's jacket more closely around his torso, attempting to hide his feelings. When he woke up in that van, he'd felt helpless. Jackson Whittemore hated nothing more than feeling weak. Recently, he'd come to lean on Derek more. When he was feeling weak, he could turn to the man. If there was anything that he couldn't do, he knew that Derek would be able to do it for him. He liked having that help. But inside the van, he was alone.

Chained to the floor, he had nothing but time to reflect on the situation. Stilinski was trying to convince him that he was some sort of monster that was killing people. He figured that they were just looking for an excuse to screw with him, or maybe cover up some murders that Scott or the hunters had done. He had no memory of killing anyone, nor could he remember how he'd ended up in a convict transport van with Stiles. Feeling miserable and alone, he heard Stiles talking to Scott and Allison. He suggested killing Jackson. The idea jarred him; suddenly, Jackson realized that he was completely and totally defenseless if that crazed werewolf decided to come in and kill him. He could hardly move, much less fight off a werewolf. A longing for Derek came over him. Wishing desperately that the man would swoop in and save him, making up for his inabilities, Jackson realized that he was using the man as a crutch. Now, he was totally alone. He heard Scott echo this exact thought outside of the van.

"It's his own fault," Stiles said flatly. Those words made Jackson's chest tighten, and tears jump into his eyes. He didn't have his real parents, who hadn't loved him enough to keep him, nor did he have any friends, except for Danny, who was in the hospital, and he didn't even have Derek now. _Where the hell is Derek_? He struggled to hold back the tears, only one droplet escaping his efforts. He really was alone. And he needed to remember that he could only ever rely on himself.

Shaking the memory away, he looked up at his adoptive father, who was in a room with Stiles, Scott, and the Sheriff, explaining the terms of their restraining order. Mr. Whittemore had insisted on the restraining order, and his son was happy to see some justice come from his day of indignation. However, Jackson didn't really want to sue them or press charges. Especially after what Scott said about helping him. Maybe Scott really did believe that Jackson was turning into some kind of monster. Maybe they'd tricked him, too. _Scott is a lot dumber than me, _Jackson thought. _He'd probably fall for it._

Derek Hale casually deflected his Betas' questions. He knew that they'd all be eager to kill the kanima, which is why he decided to distract them. "I need one of you to get on their good side," Derek said as he walked up to an old box, referring to Stiles and Scott. He figured that it would take them a while to break the ice, giving Derek time to come up with a solution for his kanima problem. He also told them that he was still unsure of who the kanima was, just to be safe. He didn't want Isaac or Erica doing something irrational and hurting Jackson. The thought made Derek grimace slightly as he knelt in front of the box.

"Hmm, Scott or Stiles?" Erica said, following him.

Derek paused for a moment, considering which would take longer to befriend. "Either," he said, deciding that if they got to be friends with one of the boys, the other would follow shortly.

"You know the full moon's coming, Derek," Isaac said in a superior tone.

"I'm aware of that," Derek said, standing and staring down his Beta. The boy averted his gaze submissively, remembering his place.

Flipping open the old trunk, Derek pulled out some rusty restraining equipment to use on his Betas during the full moon. Isaac began railing the Alpha with questions about the full moon. Derek deflected them once more. He said that he hadn't had time to teach them how to control their transformation. What he didn't mention was that this time was spent trying to figure out how to control his boyfriend's transformation. He hoped that, with the other wolves restrained on the full moon, and Scott unwilling to kill Jackson, he could wrangle the kanima in. Maybe he could even capture it for a short time. However, he still had no idea how to cure Jackson.

"So how about we forget the kanima," Isaac said, once again defiant as Derek stalked angrily away.

"We can't!" Derek said, though his mind was screaming _I can't! _He realized that he had no explicable reason for his interest in Jackson. He suddenly worried that the Betas were catching on to his feelings. He quickly added "There was something about the way Gerard looked at it. He wasn't afraid. At all." He decided to tell the truth, knowing that his wolves would be able to smell it if he was lying. He did have his suspicions about Gerard, but he couldn't figure out any way to get close to the seasoned hunter safely. "Now, I don't know what he knows, or what he's planning, but I'm sure about one thing: we have to find it first," Derek added passionately. He could sense that he'd swayed his Betas. However, they didn't know why he needed to find Jackson first. An image flashed briefly through his mind: Jackson at the mercy of the old hunter, hung upside down as the sword-wielding Argent smiled grimly. Suddenly, Derek felt more determined than ever to save the kanima.

Jackson Whittemore was momentarily confused. A beautiful face was staring at him. Big brown eyes, stared into his, but they were marred with fear. "Allison?" he said, confused. He realized that he was lying on top of her, staring down at her face. Rolling off, he kept his eyes on her face. He felt cold, his wet hair still dripping. He realized that he was naked, his wet body totally exposed to the cold air. "What are you doing here?" he snapped as she crawled against a wall.

He looked up as Scott McCall burst into the room. Anger flashed through him as his embarrassment turned to rage. Why had everybody decided to intrude on his private shower? It was bad enough that he was waking up in strange places, and that his schoolmates had kidnapped him, and that he had strange visions that were getting harder and harder to separate from reality. Now he couldn't even shower in peace? Now his body had to be on display for Allison and Scott while they played detective with these murders? Now he couldn't even see Derek anymore, since the man had stopped crawling into his window at night? Suddenly, the weight of everything that he was bearing snapped his last straw of patience. He pulled on a pair of shorts; the first thing that he could grab. Allison was yelling at Scott, who ran in and threw Jackson against a row of lockers. He looked up at the boy, anger seething from his skin. "I have a restraining order!" he said, grabbing at the first thought that popped into his mind.

"Trust me, I'm restraining myself," Scott said, sneering down at the boy. Jackson's rage exploded within him: Scott was going down.

Derek Hale paced nervously outside of the school grounds. He knew that if he approached closer to the school, he would be caught on Gerard Argent's cameras. However, he couldn't help but stay close to the school. Since he'd heard about the Argents' takeover of Beacon Hills High from his Betas, he'd been constantly nervous that one of his Betas would reveal themselves. Now, he was more concerned that Jackson would change. So far, Derek was fairly certain that he wasn't in control of his transformations, nor of his actions while he was in kanima form. This made the possibility of Jackson turning on camera even more real, which made Derek nervous. He knew the Argents would be ruthless in hunting him down and killing him. He wouldn't lose another loved one to them.

Looking at the school, Derek banished these thoughts. He became increasingly worried as time passed. He'd hope to drive home with Jackson so that they could have a chance to talk. But Jackson hadn't ever left the school. Derek could still smell him. Also, his car was still in the parking lot. Circling the school nervously, Derek began considering trying to outrun the cameras. He stood at the spot where he could smell Jackson the strongest. He smelled some other familiar scents, but the only ones that he could discern for certain were Scott and Erica. It was much easier for him to tell his Betas' scents from the others', as well as his mates'. He tried to look through the windows. They were high on the wall, and Derek could make out the tops of bookshelves. For some reason, they were all gathered in the library.

Trying desperately to make out any voices, Derek tried to overhear some bit of conversation that would help him. Only the occasional crash or mumble was audible, however. Suddenly, Jackson's scent disappeared. Alarmed, Derek began to make quick calculations in his head. Was there any way that he could make a mad dash for the school, avoiding the cameras in time to check if his mate was okay? Could he disguise himself somehow?

Straining to hear something useful, Derek closed his eyes, focusing on his sense. He could hear screaming, and some loud crashing, as if some kind of a fight was going on. Everything was silent for a second, then his sensitive ears began ringing as a loud crash of glass broke through his senses. He looked up in time to see the kanima burst through a window and run away.

Panicking, he tried to decide what to do. With the window broken, he could hear into the library more clearly. He heard his name.

"No, Derek," a voice said shakily. He could barely recognize it as Erica. He then heard Scott mumble something about a hospital, to which Erica more loudly insisted "It's Derek, D-Derek."

Sighing to himself, he realized that the kanima had probably paralyzed her. She was insisting to be brought to Derek instead of a hospital, possibly as part of his demand that his pack get on good terms with Scott and Stiles. For a moment, he considered letting them go to the empty subway station, but he decided that it was too late for him to catch Jackson now. Furthermore, he probably couldn't do it alone. Turning on his heels, he headed for the subway station, tearing himself away from the idea of helping Jackson.

"You know who it is," Scott said, more of a statement than a question.

Derek paused for a moment, his chest aching and a lump forming in his throat. He hadn't quite admitted it to anyone else yet, and he was afraid to admit it to himself. He didn't want Jackson to be a monster. He didn't want the perfect, troubled boy to be a bloodthirsty kanima. Looking away from Scott, he tried to mask his emotions. _Is nothing ever simple? _Derek thought to himself. _No, not for a monster like you._

"Jackson," Derek replied curtly, sitting on a box and returning his gaze to Scott.

"You just wanted Erica to confirm it, didn't you?" Scott said. It took Derek half a moment to realize that Scott hadn't seen him in the parking lot that night. He didn't know that Derek had been a few feet away, preparing to commit suicide, convinced that he'd killed his mate. Pursing his lips together, he looked away from Scott, almost fearing that the boy could hear his thoughts. He simply nodded, afraid any words would reveal his insecurities. "I'm gonna help you stop him," Scott said. "As part of your pack."

Derek turned to face the boy. Now Scott was looking away. He no longer had to mask his emotions, his surprise genuine. He began to open his mouth to say something, but Scott interrupted him. "If you want me in, fine, but on one condition. We're gonna catch him, not kill him. Derek was glad that Scott was avoiding his stare, so that he didn't see the relief spread over Derek's face. He was glad to have someone on his side that shared the same goal as him. Suddenly, he found himself with hope. Maybe the two of them could catch Jackson and cure him. At least, now he'd have a reason to keep Boyd, Isaac, and Erica from killing him.

"And?" he asked, noticing the look on Scott's face. He knew there was more coming. The boy looked at the Alpha, and Derek raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"We do it my way," Scott said. In that moment, Derek was glad to have absolved himself of responsibility. Scott seemed to have been able to garner more information about the kanima that he had, and he'd had more ability to interact with Jackson. Maybe, with his experience and Scott's ability to move under the Argents' radar, they could help Jackson. For the first time since the night he'd found out Jackson was the kanima, Derek felt hope.


	4. Raving

"Where's the vet? Is he gonna help us or not?" Derek asked Scott, agitated at the bickering between his Betas.

"That depends," the veterinarian said, appearing in the doorway. "Your friend Jackson: are we planning to kill him, or help him?"

"Kill him," Derek said, trying to mask his relationship with the boy from his Betas.

He was relieved that Scott said "Help him," at the same time. He knew that the boy would say he wanted to help Jackson, so Derek felt comfortable pretending that he still intended to kill the boy. In truth, Derek couldn't imagine life without him, much less killing him. "_Save him,"_ Scott reiterated, staring intensely in Derek's eyes. Somehow, the words seem to take on more meaning when Derek knew his love was at stake. It was almost as if Scott was urging him on instead of contradicting him. The Alpha's jaw clenched as he thought of Jackson as the kanima. The idea was still new in his head; he hadn't seen Jackson since he'd found out that the boy was the kanima. Now, he wanted nothing more than to fix him. He wanted their relationship to be like it was before he knew. However, he hadn't even been able to see his mate. That was by far the most difficult part.

The idea that they'd once kept their relationship a secret seemed like a cruel joke now. They'd thought that a relationship between an Alpha and a Beta was a bad idea, but a werewolf and a kanima? Derek bitterly wished that he'd spent all of that time flaunting their relationship in public, rather than sneaking around and hiding. He promised himself that if he ever managed to cure Jackson, they would go public with their relationship, and be a normal couple. He wished that he'd never dragged Jackson into this in the first place. However, he wouldn't have fallen in love with the boy, either. Still, Derek thought that Jackson's life would have been better if they'd never even met. He would forfeit his love for the safety of his lover. However, none of that was possible now. He needed to focus on fixing his mistake, instead. Somehow, love always seemed to be mixed with pain for Derek Hale. But now he needed to fix it. To save Jackson.

"Save him," Scott said, eerily echoing Derek's thoughts.

x

Derek and Boyd walked up to Chris Argent and several other hunters. _Not now,_ he thought. _They're just going to try to kill Jackson. Our entire plan is going to be ruined, and Jackson is going to die._ He set a stony look on his face, challenging Argent as he walked up to him. Inside, he was nervous. He knew that if he didn't hold back the hunters, it was likely that Jackson would die. Furthermore, even if they didn't succeed in killing him, they would certainly disrupt his plans to incapacitate Jackson in order to find some kind of a cure and destroy his master. Suddenly, this one fight with the Argents seemed to bear the weight of the world.

"Derek, back off," Argent said, like he was talking to an impudent child.

"Back off? That's really all you've got?" Derek said, masking his fear with sarcasm. He almost wanted to back off, but he knew that Jackson's life depended on it. With renewed vigor, he added "I gotta be honest, Chris, I was really expecting more from the big bad veteran werewolf hunter."

Argent smiled smugly. "Okay then, how about 'Didn't anyone ever tell you not to bring claws to a gun fight?'" he said as his lackeys raised their considerable weapons, pointing them at the pair of lycanthropes. Chris continued to grin maliciously, aware that he'd won their pissing contest.

Before Derek could respond, his Beta said "That one sounded pretty good." Derek gritted his teeth and huffed indignantly, unhappy that his subordinate had undermined him in front of the enemy. Furthermore, he was frustrated that the boy didn't know what was really at stake.

x

Derek's mind seemed to be running at a mile a minute. He was focusing in part on the bullets flying around him, knowing that they were intended to kill him. He was also trying to think of a way to help Boyd, who'd been shot with a wolfsbane-laced bullet and couldn't heal. His mind was also wrestling with the fear that the longer he fought the Argents, the more damage that Jackson could be enduring. _Or doing_, a small voice in the back of his mind reminded him. One of the hardest parts of dealing with the idea that Jackson is a murderous lizard was that Derek now knew that the boy was capable of killing. Granted, he wasn't in control of himself at the time, but Jackson had still ended several lives. Derek felt even more pressure to protect those that Jackson could hurt. He didn't want his mate to live with the guilt, nor did he want innocent bystanders to suffer.

He found himself comforted by the fact that the kanima only killed murderers, however. But even that would change with time. And, at that moment, Derek had no time to spare. Everything seemed to be running through his fingers like sand as he decided upon the best course of action. He decided that it would be best to get rid of Boyd, and find Jackson before the hunters could.

"You have to go to the car," Derek said to Boyd, trying to catch his breath after the fight. His mind still hummed with different responsibilities pulling him in different directions, and he still had no idea where to find Jackson. But he knew that time was running out, and his lover needed him.

"What about you?" Boyd asked breathlessly.

_I've gotta find Jackson, _he thought grimly. "I've gotta find Scott," he said aloud. "Go," he commanded impatiently, thinking of his mate dying at the hands of an Argent. "Go!"

x

Derek caught up with Stiles, following the trail of mountain ash to the banged up Jeep. He ran hurriedly, both nervous and excited to hear any news of Jackson. He hoped that they'd managed to capture him, so that they could finally get the kanima side of the boy under control. As he slowed to a stop, he kept his eyes on the street for any sign of a subdued Jackson.

"Hey, uhm, so we kinda lost Jackson inside," Stiles stammered. Derek looked urgently at the lean boy, his stomach dropping and his heart picking up speed. Red tinged the corners of his vision. "But, it's-"

Derek followed Stiles' eyes to find Erica and Isaac stopping at the line of mountain ash in front of them. Confused, they found themselves unable to cross. Derek's face hardened with worry. He almost felt like crying in disappointment. A part of him knew that it was too good to be true, but Derek wanted desperately to hear that they'd managed to pacify Jackson enough to get him to the vet's office. He looked around the empty alley, unsure of what to do next as Stiles celebrated the fact that he'd contributed to their failed plan.

Despite the boy's enthusiasm, Derek's face only betrayed deeper and deeper concern as time went on. He had no idea where to look for the beast now; it could be nearly anywhere. It could've crawled into any of the surrounding buildings, or gotten a ride with its master, or slithered down any number of alleys. Suddenly, the expansiveness of the city dawned on Derek as he thought about finding his tiny needle in the giant concrete jungle of a haystack.

All of these thoughts were shattered as his senses focused on a cry of pain from one of his Betas. "Scott," Derek said, his eyes flickering around to find the quickest route to the boy. His instincts told him to find his wounded pack member, but his human mind was still on Jackson. Suddenly, he found himself hoping that Scott knew where his mate was. Either way, he'd need Scott to help him help Jackson. "Break it," he said to Stiles resolutely.

x

Derek opened the door and took a few steps in before being overpowered by the scent of wolfsbane. The poisonous smell shot straight into his brain, making his vision double and his body weaken. It was almost sickly sweet, since his human senses could still determine a certain pleasurable floral scent through the haze of deadly vapors.

As he regained his vision, he made out the form of Scott, crumpled on the floor. Looking around at the rest of the small warehouse room, Derek saw no sign of Jackson. His disappointment was short lived as a sharp pain exploded from between his shoulder blades. He whipped around so that he was face-to-face with Victoria Argent. In some nearly-delusional part of his brain, Derek reflected on how, despite all of the various horrible creatures and seasoned hunters that he'd seen, this woman had always struck him as the scariest living being that he'd ever encountered. Something about her dark determination and ruthless devotion for hunting bubbling just beneath a mask of a pleasant housewife gave him the willies.

He deflected her as she lunged at him with the knife, then knocked the weapon from her hand. She managed to push him off of her and wedge him against a wall. Getting him in a chokehold, she slammed his head against the metal. With the wolfsbane throwing him off balance, his head ringing from the bashing, and the strobe lights coming from outside, Derek Hale was entirely disconcerted. His Alpha instincts took over as his fangs and claws lengthened. Writhing hopelessly, he struck out with his natural weapons. He found himself on the floor next to Scott, Victoria having apparently fled. He picked up the boy and dragged him from the room.

x

Derek sulked as he absently watched the vet patch up Scott. His eyes were swollen and puffy from the wolfsbane, as well as from a few frustrated tears that he'd allowed himself while making the trip with an unconscious passenger. He thought darkly about what could've been; if everything had gone to plan, right now Jackson would be on that table instead of Scott. They would be well on their way to finding a cure for his tortured lover. They could've finally been in a pack together as happy mates.

He saw the veterinarian stroke Scott's hair, almost lovingly. They'd worked together for quite a few years. Derek realized that, once again, he'd gotten someone involved in the constant struggle of his world. He almost wished that he hadn't come to the animal hospital. Nobody should have to endure the push and pull of hunters against werewolves. However, this total stranger agreed to help them. "Thank you," Derek muttered, the words feeling somewhat uncomfortable in his mouth. He rarely had an occasion to thank anyone. It was one of the many normal pleasantries that he'd been forced to forego as a werewolf, like security, trust, and love. Especially love. He'd only ever felt love for a handful of people in this world: most of them had burned to death, one of them had burned them to death, and one of them he'd turned into a green, scaly monster. Sighing deeply, Derek looked at boy on the table, struggling to hold on to life. His eyes flickered, and Derek felt his neck muscles relax. He hadn't realized that he'd been so worried about his Beta. He was beginning to realize that Scott was much more than just a pawn to him. He had more experience than the rest of the pack, but it was more than that. He had a natural drive. Better yet, that drive was always for good. Despite the fact that he'd been unwillingly plunged into a world of monsters and constant danger, he still maintained the attitude that he only wanted to help people. The Beta possessed many qualities that his peers couldn't match, and Derek felt better with him around. He was happy to share a common goal with Scott; the boy made him feel as if fixing Jackson was possible.

Overwrought with the difficult night, Derek leaned his head against the wall behind him. He began to drift into a light sleep with thoughts of himself and Jackson living together as a normal human couple, double dating with friends like Scott and Allison, having friends like Danny over for dinner, sharing a life, having children, growing old. A peaceful, ordinary life. He was dragged from this pleasant thought by a sharp pain in his arm. He looked down to realize that he'd extended his claws while dreaming about Jackson, and pricked his arm. It almost seemed as if his own wolf subconscious was reminding him that he was cursed to lead a different life.


	5. Party Guessed

Slipping on the comfortable t-shirt, Jackson almost smiled to himself. For the first time in days, he didn't feel horrible. He'd been forgetting long periods of time, and sleeping a lot more than usual. Yet he still woke up tired and groggy. He was falling behind on his schoolwork, and doing things that he couldn't remember doing: he was missing a lot of money, his car was missing gas, he had weird aches and bruises, and messages on his phone that he couldn't remember getting. Walking through the locker room, Jackson felt good about the fact that he was feeling whole again. And yet, there was still one aching wound left: Derek.

He couldn't recall the last time he'd seen the perfect, chiseled face. He knew that it had been a while, but Jackson was still unsure of the date. Entire days passed that he couldn't remember, so it was getting hard to keep up with what day it actually was. The last time he could remember seeing Derek was right before he'd kissed Lydia. Maybe that had something to do with it; maybe Derek somehow knew and was mad at him. Jackson hadn't been lucid long enough to remember to contact the man, much less actually see him. Maybe he'd actually seen him, and just forgotten: time was a blur lately.

As stress weighed down on Jackson's shoulders, a peppy voice broke him from his thoughts.

"Jackson!" Lydia chirped urgently as he entered the hallway, catching him off guard. "You're coming to my party, right?"

He cocked his head to the side, not remembering having gotten any invitation. He figured that it could've come during one of the many spans of blank time. Suddenly, the usual drowsiness overcame him. He felt sickly and nauseated, and incredibly tired. This unpleasant feeling had been plaguing his every lucid moment until just recently. He fought it off.

As Lydia's finger grazed Jackson's wrist, the skin-on-skin contact immediately reminded him of the last time that he could remember seeing her. He remembered pressing his lips against hers, guilt dragging him down. The entire event made him uneasy and embarrassed. He only knew that he couldn't let it happen again. He inhaled deeply, expelling the feeling from the pit of his stomach. As he exhaled, he focused on fighting of the sickly tiredness that threatened to overwhelm him again. The harder he fought against it, the worse he felt. "You don't want me there," he said, thinking again of their kiss. He couldn't risk ever doing such a thing again. The thought of hurting Derek was enough to make him take every precaution against it. "Trust me," he said, sensing that she wouldn't take no for an answer.

"Don't worry about it, I'm over it," Lydia said. This caught Jackson off guard, before he realized that she thought he just didn't want a relationship with her. He clenched his jaw, fighting both his own body's screams for sleep and Lydia's instance. "Look, why don't-"

Lydia was cut off by Jackson grabbing her wrist. Looking down Jackson realized that he had no intention of making any physical contact with the girl. It was as if someone else had moved his body for him. "You do not want me there," Jackson said darkly, though this time it was only half by his own will. He didn't intend to scare the poor girl, but his body seemed to be taking control of itself as the drowsiness pressed upon him harder and harder.

Their eyes locked for a long moment, Jackson's grip on her tightening without his consent. Lydia backed away, frightened. Jackson felt like his body was controlling itself, without any regard to his wishes. Her hand slipped from his, and he regained some control. Fear overcame him as he realized what had just happened. He wasn't in control of his own body, and as a result, he'd scared someone he cared about. Confusion and fear muddled his face, with a hint of guilt at having hurt Lydia. She continued to back away from him.

"I'll see you there," she mumbled in a jarred, hollow voice. As she turned away, Jackson stared at the ground for a moment. He was scared and confused, unsure of what was happening to him. He wished that Derek was there to explain to him what was happening, and make it better. But he didn't even know where the man was. Suddenly, sleep overcame him as the world went dark.

x

"Oh, I get it," Scott said as he followed Derek into the broken down subway. Derek sat, feeling put upon. "We can't save Jackson."

Derek focused his eyes measuredly on the ground, trying to keep his emotions under control. He knew didn't want to hear those words; he didn't want to deal with the reality. There had to be some way to save the love of his life, he just didn't know how. Despite having poured over every material about kanimas that he could get his hands on, Derek was still unable to find any kind of a cure besides resolving an issue that the person had in their life. He'd still be a werewolf after that, but he knew how to deal with those. In fact, the idea of his mate being in his pack excited Derek. However, tears were pushing against his eyes as the jarring phrase echoed in his head. He was no longer sure he could save the boy.

"We can't seem to kill him, either," Derek said, carefully avoiding Scott's gaze. This much was true, and he hoped that it would stay true. "I've seen a lot of things, Scott, but I've never seen anything like this." Locking his eyes on Scott, he looked pleading. He wanted to control the situation and find a way out, but time was running short. Soon, Jackson's controller would be able to make him kill innocent people. "And every new moon is just gonna make him stronger," he said, returning his eyes to the floor in depression.

"Then how do we stop him?" Scott said. Derek got almost annoyed at this question. It was something that he'd been obsessing over for the past few weeks. He wished someone would tell him the answer. Why did Scott think that he would know? Why did he have to fix everything?

Keeping his eyes off of Scott, Derek shook his head and shrugged shrewdly. "I don't know," he said, looking up to Scott earnestly. He knew his pain was showing, but he hoped maybe Scott would take the situation more seriously then. "I don't even know if we can." Derek repressed the urge to add that he wasn't even sure if he could. If it came down to him killing Jackson, he wasn't sure he'd be able. He'd have to let his Alpha take over, and even then, he was unsure if he'd be able to handle the guilt. He may have to end both of their lives.

"Then why don't we just let the Argents handle it?" Scott asked. Derek feared the Argents now more than he had in a long time, since he once again had something precious that they wanted to destroy. His worst nightmare was that they would kill Jackson before he had a chance to try and cure him.  
"I'm the one who turned him," Derek said, guilt making his body feel heavy and leaden. "It's my fault." His voice was hoarse, catching in the back of his throat. If he'd never bothered to give Jackson the bite, then he'd be safe and sound, instead of being forced to murder people and hunted. It was an internal struggle that constantly raged inside of Derek, tearing him apart.

"Yeah, but you didn't turn him into _this_," Scott insisted. "This happened because of something in his past, right?"  
"That's a legend in a book, it's not that simple," Derek said with growing impatience for the boy. He couldn't accept that it was something that had been lying dormant inside of the perfect boy. He didn't want to think that the potential to be a monster had been lying beneath that perfect, creamy skin...

"What are you not telling me?" Scott asked, snapping Derek out of his thoughts of Jackson.

"Why do you think I'm always keeping something from you?" Derek asked, further annoyed.

"Because you always are keeping something from me!" Scott snapped back. This almost surprised Derek. Was the fact that he was hiding an affair with Jackson that obvious? Could the Betas really tell? This worried him. Of course they would be able to tell that he was hiding something, but Derek hoped that they didn't know what. He found himself wondering why he was still keeping the secret. Why couldn't they know now? Still, he didn't want to upset Jackson when this was all over. He didn't want to let their secret out without the boy's consent. _If he ever makes it out alive,_ a small part of him whispered.

"Well maybe I do it to protect you," Derek said mysteriously, partly trying to mislead Scott. There was still some truth; he did keep many secrets for Scott's good.

"Doesn't part of being part of your pack mean no more secrets?" Scott said, sounding both hurt and unconvinced. Derek could tell that Scott didn't honestly believe that line would make Derek confide in him.

Derek stared intently at the ground. He'd run out of patience for the boy. There was nothing that he could do to explain why Scott couldn't know about his affair with Jackson. Even Derek was unsure as to why he couldn't confide in Scott. He just knew that it wasn't right, and that it wasn't the right time. "Go home Scott," he said, fed up. "Sleep, heal, make sure your friends are safe. The full moon's coming. With the way things are going, I have a feeling it's gonna be a rough one."

x

Derek glanced at Isaac as he fastened the chains to the bench, binding him to it. The other Betas screamed further down the subway. "How do you not feel this?" Isaac said through clenched teeth, referring to the pain that a full moon causes werewolves.

"I feel every second of it," Derek said angrily as he continued to wrap the chains around the boy. It was his first time trying to keep new Betas under control on a full moon, and thus far, it had been a nightmare. Not only did he feel guilty for not having taught them how to control themselves, but he also felt guilt for having to cause them pain by chaining them up. For a brief second, he was glad Jackson wasn't a werewolf, because he didn't think that he'd be able to bear chaining the beautiful boy down.

"Then how do you control it?" Isaac asked, struggling to speak through his pain. Derek's blood prickled beneath his skin, too, as his inner wolf pushed to take control. He was used to the painful sensation, however.

"Find an anchor, something meaningful to you. Bind yourself to it, keep your human side in control," Derek said as he continued to lock the powerful Beta up. Though he'd never admit it, Derek was somewhat unsure of what he was doing. It was even more difficult to concentrate, since he was trying to keep his human self anchored, pushing against the wolf.

"So what is it for you?" Isaac asked in a strained voice, looking down at the seemingly-calm Alpha on the floor.

Derek thought for a moment. In truth, it was guilt. He felt immense guilt at having turned his perfect mate into a monster, much less an uncontrollable killing machine. He wanted only to make the boy happy now, but he'd turned him into a horrible beast. His guilt was deepened by the thought that he'd turned him into a monster in the process of trying to kill him. When he gave Jackson the bite, he didn't intend for the boy to turn. He thought that the weak human would die of the infection. Instead, he'd lived and become something more than a werewolf. And it was all because of Derek, who supposedly loved him and wanted to protect him.

However, he knew he couldn't tell this to Isaac. He'd considered telling Scott about their affair, but he knew that the Betas couldn't know. They wouldn't understand. They could be jealous, making them more apt to kill Jackson, given the chance. Or they could decide that Derek was an unfit leader against the kanima, since his judgement was clouded by love, and kill the boy themselves. Though these situations were probably unlikely, Derek still didn't entirely trust his new pack. He knew Boyd was already questioning his leadership skills.

"Anger," he said. This was true at one point; before he'd given Jackson the bite, his anger had kept him anchored. "But it doesn't have to be that for everybody."

"Like Scott?" Isaac asked.

"Yeah," Derek responded. He knew that Scott kept anchored with Allison. He wished that he could use Jackson as a positive feeling to anchor himself. He wished that he could have a normal love for the boy, and that this love could keep him anchored. However, his love was tainted, and so the powerful guilt that he felt was the only way that he could manage to stay anchored any more. This guilt pressed upon him constantly, and it gnawed at his conscious.

He was distracted from his usual worries by Isaac easily breaking the leg of the bench, rendering the chains around his ankles useless. At the same time, Erica and Boyd stared hungrily down the subway at him, their eyes glowing an angry yellow.


	6. Fury

In his comatose state, Derek saw Jackson again. He was naked, floating through white emptiness. And in the distance, he saw Jackson, the only speck on an infinite plain of iridescent white. He began floating towards Jackson, coming closer and closer to the boy. As he got closer, he realized that his mate looked different. As he drifted closer, he noticed scales slowly spreading across his lithe, pale body. They covered his midsection and were slowly descending to his extremities. His eyes were yellow and feral, and he had multiple rows of gnashing teeth, reaching out to bite Derek. He watched in horror as he floated nearer to the beast, almost in range of the sharp claws reaching out to him.

He realized that the kanima wasn't reaching out to hurt him, though. He saw tenderness in the lizard-like eyes, and a gentleness to the claws as they reached lovingly for the nude wolf. His lips, still half-human, were not reaching out to bite him, but speaking to him. He was calling out for his mate. He found himself reaching out to Jackson was well, wanting to feel his scaly embrace. His fingertips nearly reached the sharp claws of his boyfriend. He floated slowly, now desperate for contact.

Suddenly, he was jolted into consciousness by a loud, sharp noise. His sensitive wolf-ears continued to ring, even after the din had ceased. As he regained his vision, he realized where he was. He was lying on the wooden floor of the house that he'd once shared with his family. A hole in the floor indicated that his experience of seeing his Uncle Peter come back to life was a reality. He looked up at the veterinarian, who was crouched down next to him.

x

"Oh, and one more thing," the vet called out after Derek, leaning from the doorway. He'd already given Derek more things to think about than he could process in one day, but the Alpha stopped nonetheless, ready to hear whatever the 'adviser' had to say. "Don't give up on Jackson."

At this, Derek turned around, his brows furrowed. He knew better than to underestimate the vet, but he was still surprised that the man knew his carefully guarded secret. He wondered just how much the man knew. "Isn't he Scott's burden?" Derek asked carefully, looking at the leaf-covered ground.

"Scott isn't in love with him," the vet said matter-of-factly.

This plain statement of his deepest, darkest secret, which haunted him night and day, brought tears to his eyes. He felt as if he'd just been punched. His stomach dropped, and he found it hard to breathe or swallow. Inhaling deeply, he tried to gain a foothold on the conversation. "So you're saying there's hope?" he asked loudly, though he couldn't keep his voice from cracking in the middle.

"There's always hope," the vet said ominously, leaning against the door frame. "As long as someone is willing to fight."

x

After finally figuring out where Scott and Stiles were, Derek rushed into the building. He realized how foolish this was the second that he smelled blood in the air. Jackson stood in front of a door. He could smell Scott beyond, through the stench of the dead police officers. His heart stopped when he looked at Jackson's face.

The gravity of the time that they'd spent apart hit him with its full force then. He felt as if every moment had lasted a year, and they were seeing each other after being on opposing sides of a war for decades. He looked into the deep eyes, searching for some similar feeling in the boy. And he found it.

A tear rolled down Jackson's face. Anguish creased his brow as his shoulders trembled slightly. He looked at Derek, reflecting the same emotion that the Alpha was feeling. Derek's heart ached, and he realized that he'd missed the boy far more than he'd allowed himself to feel. Now the walls crumbled, and the sense of loss came pouring down onto him. He quickly closed the space between him and Jackson, wrapping his big arms around the boy. Smiling through his tears, Derek laughed happily. Jackson put his arms around the man's broad shoulders.

Pulling back a bit so that they were face-to-face, Derek smiled a broad, goofy smile as he sniffed and wiped his tears with his shoulder. Jackson smiled back, a small, almost unbelieving smile. Putting his hand on the back of Derek's head, the boy pulled his mate into a long overdue kiss. Jackson's hand slipped down Derek's head, to his neck.

Suddenly, Derek felt numb. He thought that it was the power of seeing Jackson after so long, but when his knees collapsed beneath him, he realized that he'd been poisoned by the kanima. Pulling the alpha to his knees, a half-scaly Jackson propped him up in front of the door, knocking on the wooden frame. He held the man up from behind while Scott opened the door.

x

Derek flattened himself against the wall, peering around the corner at the seasoned hunter. Gerard hadn't noticed him yet, so Derek decided to wait until the old man was gone before trying to escape. He was fairly certain that the Argents were there for revenge; he'd accidentally given Victoria the bite when he fought her to save Scott. With the venom still surging through his veins, he was in no position to fight off someone as skilled and experienced as Gerard Argent.

A thought dawned on him: what if the Argents find Jackson? He began to look around for any sign of the kanima, hoping that he'd left already. Though the Argents didn't seem to know much more about the lore of this creature than anybody else, they were much better armed. If anyone was capable of killing the boy, it was them. What if they found him while he wasn't in kanima form? Would they be willing to kill him in cold blood? What if he was cured? Would they still try to kill him? Worried thoughts buzzed in his head, and the old familiar guilt creeped into his stomach. Jackson would probably be sitting in his bedroom right now, getting ready for bed if he'd never been bitten. Now he was in the fray with a murderous teenaged psychopath with a grudge, experienced and vengeful hunters, and some angry werewolves. With the guilt, however, Derek felt loneliness. He'd shared his first kiss in weeks with the boy, and he'd gotten paralyzed. It had been so long since he'd seen the real Jackson, that he was beginning to forget what the boy was really like. The things that he'd missed over the span of time started to weigh upon him. They hadn't had one of their late-night conversations that lasted until the sun came up. He hadn't snuck into Jackson's window late at night to avoid his parents. Jackson hadn't woken Derek up in the middle of the night to share a dream about his birth parents. All of these things that he loved doing with Jackson, and that he loved about Jackson, were gone. _It's not forever_, he told himself. _We will find a cure._

He held his breath as he heard someone else approach. The scent was familiar: Scott. Panic gripped his throat as he extended his claws and teeth, preparing to give the Beta some back up against Gerard.

What are you doing here? It wasn't supposed to happen like this! Scott said urgently. Derek was taken aback by these words. He'd expected a fight; apparently, Scott knew more than he'd let on.

Trust me, I'm aware of that, the old man grumbled.

I've done everything that you've asked of me, Scott replied, frustrated. I'm part of Derek's pack, I've given you all of the information that you've wanted, I told you Matt was controlling Jackson-

Leave him to us, Gerard said, almost in a paternal fashion, as if he cared for Scott. Help your friends, leave Matt and Jackson to me. Deal with your mother. Go!

He'd wanted to jump out and grab Scott by the throat, ripping it out with his teeth. Containing himself, he tried to sort through the new flood of information. Scott was working with the Argents. He'd joined his pack as part of some deal with them. The Argents were focusing on killing Jackson and Matt. All at once, Derek felt a new kind of loneliness; not only did he no longer have Jackson, and not only could he not protect the one boy in the world that he loved with all of his heart, but he also found out that the one person in the world other than Jackson that he'd considered trusting had stabbed him in the back. He thought bitterly about how he'd almost told Scott everything; he was ready to let Scott in about Jackson. Of all of the secrets that he'd held, that was the largest. He figured that Scott was trustworthy enough to keep his secret and help him figure it all out. Now, in one night, he'd been betrayed by both his best friend and his lover; Brutus had stabbed him and Portia had poisoned him.

As Scott passed by him, the vet's words echoed in Derek's ears: _The one person you should trust doesn't trust you._


	7. Battlefield

"You okay, dude?" Danny asked gently, sensing Jackson's volatile state.

"I'm perfect," he replied curtly, his voice gruff from exhaustion.

Danny laughed, trying to lighten the mood. He didn't know why talking to his best friend seemed so gloomy and serious lately, but the feeling pervaded every moment that they spent together. Not that there were many moments spent together in the past month or so, since Jackson had been disappearing and cutting everyone out of his life. "Well, we all know that. But are you okay?" Danny said, showing earnest concern for the boy. "You didn't answer my texts all week. I'm getting worried about you."

Jackson stared stonily into the locker that held his clothes and the lacrosse gear that he was in the midst of putting on. He didn't know why he was playing in a stupid lacrosse game when his entire body felt heavy from over-exertion. And he was still forgetting long periods of time. And sleeping more than usual, despite the fact that he wasn't getting any rest. His entire mind was clouded; concentration seemed almost impossible. What little he could remember came in short bursts, and didn't seem to make any sense. Were they dreams? It was getting harder and harder to figure out what was real. He remembered Lydia for a short while. She'd wanted him to go to a party. And he remembered some of the party as well. But that couldn't be a real memory, because he also remembered seeing his parents. His _real _parents. Except that they weren't real, because they didn't have faces.

And he remembered Derek. He had a vague recollection of coming to in a police station, with the man standing in front of him, dirty and bedraggled. They'd embraced, and he'd slipped out of consciousness once again. When all of this was going on, he was struggling for control. All his life, Jackson had only wanted control. He wanted to feel like he had some kind of say in his own life, probably since he'd had no say in the first few, vital years of his life. He strived for perfection in every aspect of his life: school, lacrosse, possessions, looks, love. Except, somehow, love had gotten away from him. He'd dated the prettiest girl in school, thinking that Lydia was the best he could do. However, once he'd found real love, things got messy. No longer could he hold on to the perfect life that he'd so carefully formulated, trying to control every aspect. He found that this real love was painful and complicated, and that it didn't fit neatly into the box of his love life. Now, he was going through some sort of sickness, he couldn't remember anything, and he had a growing suspicion that Stiles and Scott weren't lying about him being some sort of freakish werelizard.

Yet, somehow it all seemed okay when he thought about it as a trade for true love. If these were the costs to bring Derek Hale into his life, the it was all worth it.

"Jackson!" Danny snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked around, remembering his surroundings. He was about to play in an important lacrosse game. He couldn't remember which game it was, any more, but he knew it was important. Why was it important? Who were they playing? Wasn't something important happening tonight, after the game?

Somehow, whenever he had the feeling that something important was going to happen lately, someone ended up dead. A sinking feeling made him both nervous and scared as he realized that he may be the one killing all of these people. Did it have something to do with Scott and Stiles' suggestion of him being a murderous monster? "Stay in the goal tonight, Danny," Jackson said, worried that he may hurt his friend. The thought alone made it difficult for him to even look into the boy's dark eyes. "Do not come out. And if you see me coming towards you," he said, now looking deeply into Danny's eyes, trying to impress the importance of his words, "run the other way. As fast as you can."

From across the room, Scott McCall looked up, hearing Jackson's warning. Hearing Jackson directly threaten Danny made his blood boil. He decided then and there, that if Jackson tried to harm one hair on Danny's perfect head, he would kill the kanima. And Gerard. And anyone else who tried to hurt the boy that he loved.

X

"Why don't you tell me something I don't know?" Derek Hale asked his uncle, Peter. Thus far, the man had only listed how Derek had failed as a new Alpha, and pointed out how alone he was.

"Oh, I'm going to. And it's gonna prove why you should trust me. Why you need to trust me. Because I'm going to tell you how to stop Jackson," Peter said, his face both sincere and smug.

At the mention of the boy's name, Derek's heart froze. His fingers felt numb, and his head began swimming. When all hope seemed lost, Derek's worst enemy suddenly became his savior. He looked into his eyes, pleadingly, practically begging for the information. But he turned cynical and angry when he realized what exactly his uncle had said. Peter knew how to 'stop' Jackson, not cure him. "What do you mean? How to kill him?" he said, his voice acrid and his look biting. He knew that his uncle could tell that he had feelings for the boy, and he was doing little to try masking it. They'd been part of the same pack for far too long to keep secrets. _Well,_ Derek thought, _except the whole kill-happy Alpha thing._

Peter's eye twitched as he heard the anger in Derek's voice. Smiling, he was happy to be able to allay the Alpha's fears. "Actually, how to save him."

x

On the field, Jackson passed in and out of consciousness. His body continued to move, often against his will, playing the game. He was only aware that he had the potential to kill the people that he cared about. Looking around, he saw faces of innocent people that he didn't want to harm: Danny, Scott, Stiles, Lydia, his parents, Coack Finstock, Isaac, Greenburg. These people didn't deserve to die. Somehow, now that he had power over all of these people, he felt humbled. Perhaps it was the fact that the power had robbed him of everything, and set him out of control.

One person that he never wanted to hurt was Derek. And yet, he felt fairly certain that, if he actually was a monster, Derek had been trying to save him. He wondered if they'd ever fought. He realized that he wasn't entirely sure if the man was still alive. Surely Jackson would remember killing the only person he'd ever truly loved. He wondered if he was actually strong enough to kill the Alpha werewolf. He recalled on of the many nights that they'd spent together, trying to figure out why his body was rejecting the bite. Derek had mentioned that few things could overpower an Alpha with a pack. Yet, Jackson was still alive. Had Derek been holding back his full abilities in an attempt to save Jackson? In his efforts to cure Jackson instead of killing him, had Derek allowed the boy to continue killing innocent people? Suddenly, the darkness took over again.

X

"There's a myth that you can cure a werewolf simply by calling out its Christian name," Peter said to Derek, who was still sitting on the steps, excited by the revitalization of his hopes to cure Jackson.

"It's just a myth," Derek said dismissively. People often came up with such legends in order to feel as if they had some control over their lives. They needed to feel as if they weren't helpless when faced with monsters that they couldn't defeat.

"Sometimes myths and legends bear a hint of truth. Our name is a symbol of who we are. A kanima has no identity. That's why it doesn't seek a pack," Peter clarified.

"It seeks a master," Derek filled in.

"And who else grows up with no pack? No identity?" Peter asked, taking his usual dominant role over his nephew. This dynamic reminded him of all of the times that he'd explained things about life as a werewolf to a young Derek Hale, soothing the boy when he felt freakish and lonely. In fact, he could remember explaining to Derek why there were hunters trying to kill them in this very same position. Derek had sat on the steps of the house, while it was in its former state of glory, and Peter had loomed over him at the foot of the stairs, trying to find a nice way to explain that tragic situation.

"An orphan," Derek inserted. For a moment, Peter almost thought that his nephew was referring to himself, before remembering that they were talking about the kanima.

"Like Jackson. And right now, his identity is disappearing beneath a reptilian skin, and you need to bring him back."

"How?" Derek exploded, frustrated.

"Through his heart, how else?" Peter said. Derek felt a bit taken aback by the first time anyone had blatantly addressed their romance.

"In case you haven't noticed, Jackson doesn't have too much of a heart to begin with," Derek said. He realized with horror that he'd referred to Jackson instead of the kanima. The two were slowly melding together, as Peter told him, and were coming together in Derek's head, too. The thought scared him, making him want to take immediate action even more. Before it was too late.

"Not true," Peter said. "He'd never admit it, but there is one person." Derek's heart skipped a beat, realizing that the ability to save Jackson rested in his hands alone. If he failed, Jackson would be an abomination forever. "One young lady with whom Jackson shared a real bond. One person who could reach him. Who could save him."

Derek's heart sank, and he felt tears in his eyes accompanied by a lump in his throat. He'd misread the entire conversation. Of course Peter couldn't know about his relationship with Jackson. Even if they'd been close, Peter had been dead the entire time that he'd fallen in love with the boy. But was Peter right? Did Jackson feel differently about him? Had the two of them just been a fling in Jackson's eyes? Someone to comfort him in a difficult time? Maybe Peter was right. Maybe he wasn't Jackson's soul mate. Maybe it was someone else. "Lydia."

x

As the time on the clock ran out, Jackson felt himself beginning to change. His vision narrowed and his nails extended into claws. He could feel himself losing any control of his body. His consciousness blurred as he fought off the sensation. He knew that he was about to change. And he knew that whatever was controlling him wanted to kill someone. He was beginning to be able to read the signs. He thought of Derek, who was always able to control his changes into a werewolf. Surely he could fight this off.

Using every ounce of might that he had, Jackson pushed against the loss of consciousness. Suddenly, thew buzzer sounded and the stadium lights went off. Chaos ensued as Jackson fought for control of his own body. People were running across the field, panicking. His eyes closed in on several people as they went by, his body screaming to lash out and kill them. He jerked forward as Danny ran by, his hand reaching out to slash the boy's throat. Jackson quelled the urge long enough to bring his hand back under his control. He realized that he was too dangerous. He had too much power, none of which he could control. Taking advantage of his short period of lucidity and his temporary mastery over his claw, Jackson dug the sharp nails deep into his stomach, feeling the sharp talons scrape through his organs as blood pumped over his hand. He fell, feet rushing past him as his body went limp, unable to function with several of his organs severely damaged.

He felt himself fading into a different sort of unconsciousness. It wasn't the sickly loss of control that often overcame him. This time it was more pleasant, despite his internal hemorrhaging. His delusional mind saw Derek, leaning in front of him. The man smiled, his eyes wet. Lydia's face broke through this, bending down to check on him. Closing his eyes, Jackson summoned the image of Derek back. Derek. He hoped that the man would understand why he couldn't allow himself to go on. Derek was strong for him, so Jackson needed to be strong for Derek. He needed to do what the Alpha couldn't. He needed to end this murderous rampage. As he finally slipped away, his body felt Derek's against him, embracing him as the man had done so many times before.


	8. Master Plan Part 1

"How is he alive?" Scott asked, his eyes narrowing in on Peter Hale before flicking back to Derek.

"Look, the short version is he knows how to stop Jackson," Derek said, deciding to skip the entire story. He knew that stopping Jackson was important at this time, even if it meant that he would have to give the boy up to Lydia. He had been trying to get accustomed to the idea that Jackson really loved Lydia. They hadn't been together that long, so it was really just a fling. Maybe Jackson hadn't really returned the intensity of Derek's feelings. If Lydia was what Jackson needed, then he would do what was best for the boy he loved.

Except a cold finger of doubt slithered into Derek's mind every time he thought about the subject. _What if Jackson never loved you?_ he thought grimly. _What if Matt was trying to keep a lid on you the whole time? What if he made Jackson pretend to love you, so that he could keep you from killing his pet? What if your entire relationship was a lie?_

"Well, that's very helpful," Isaac said, standing languidly behind Scott, "except Jackson's dead."

The world stopped around Derek. "What?" he said, annoyed. He was convinced that it couldn't possibly be true. These ignorant kids had probably made some stupid assumption. Jackson couldn't die. He knew how to cure him. He knew how to fix his mistake. He could make it better now, so that Jackson could lead a happy, fulfilling life. And the boy was a kanima, there was nothing that would kill him.

"Yeah, Jackson's dead," Scott said. Derek winced, annoyed that they wouldn't stop saying it. The frankness of the statement made it seem as if it couldn't possibly be true. "It just happened on the field." But it was beginning to get too real. Two people had confirmed it now. But Scott was working for the enemy, so there was no way Derek was taking his word for it. And yet, he knew that it was definitely possible.

"Okay, why is nobody taking this as good news?" Isaac asked. Derek almost ripped the boy's throat out, hearing him suggest that the death of that perfect boy could be good news. However, he realized that Peter was also upset. Then he realized what this meant.

"Because if Jackson is dead, it didn't just happen," Peter said, echoing Derek's thoughts. "Gerard wanted it to happen."

This thought brought happiness to Derek. He felt certain that there was no way that Gerard would throw away his greatest weapon. No matter how Jackson died, Gerard had to have wanted it to happen. Otherwise, nothing would be able to kill the boy. The kanima. Nothing would be able to kill the kanima, which was separate from Jackson. The distinction was getting harder and harder for Derek to make. But if Gerard decided that the kanima had to die, then there was some reason. Somehow, Derek felt certain that this fact meant the boy wouldn't stay dead. If Gerard sacrificed his greatest weapon, it would only be to make it stronger. Still, why kill him? How could dying make him stronger? Derek felt worried. "But why?" he asked, turning to Peter for answers.

"Well, that's exactly what we need to figure out," Peter said ominously. "And something tells me the window of opportunity is closing. Quickly."

x

Derek could practically smell Jackson through the phone. He knew that Mrs. McCall went in the ambulance with Jackson. When she referred to 'something weird' happening to the boy through the phone, the small voice of doubt in the back of Derek's mind was shut out, and he felt at ease. Whatever strange thing that was happening to Jackson would surely mean that he wasn't going to die.

It hurt not to go with Scott and Isaac, to make sure that Jackson was going to be okay, but finding out what was actually happening to Jackson was more important. He needed to know for sure that the boy would survive. And if something nasty was going to happen to him, he needed to find out how to stop it. His place was in front of the computer, with his Uncle Peter.

"They say he's in some kind of transparent casing made from the venom coming out of his claws," Derek informed his uncle, returning his attention to the task at hand. He was happy to hear from Scott, especially with the news that Jackson had moved and subconsciously cocooned himself. He was now quite convinced that there was no way Jackson was staying dead. The only concern on his mind now was what would happen to him after all of this. What was he transforming into?

"That sounds officially terrifying," Peter said sarcastically. Derek tried to remember if his uncle had been this sassy before the fire.

"They also say he's starting to move," Derek said, trying to keep the glee from his voice.

"Okay, look, I think I found something," Peter said. Derek put the phone down and bent down to look at the computer screen. "Looks like what you're seeing from Jackson is just the kanima's beta shape."

"Meaning what? He can turn into something bigger?" Derek asked, almost unconvinced. How could he get any more powerful? He could already take down all of the wolves and hunters that had been pitted against him. The thought of Jackson being any more vicious than he already was worried Derek. If he was more capable of killing people, then he probably would if Derek didn't intervene.

Peter clicked on a link, which opened a picture on the screen. It stood out in the darkened house, menacing even in its poorly drawn, computerized state. An ancient-looking picture leered at them with yellow eyes. Derek could see how it would be like the kanima, but worse. It was almost a dragon. The transformation between beta and alpha forms for werewolves seemed like nothing compared to this. "Bigger and badder," Peter said, staring at the monster.

"He's turning into that? That has wings," Derek said incredulously. It was hard enough to imagine his perfect boy turning into a scaly beast. But this? It was almost too much to be true. There was no way that someone so perfect could turn into something so horrific.

"I can see that," quipped Peter.

"Scott, bring him to us," said Derek, straightening up and talking into the phone.

"I'm not sure if we have time for that," Scott said urgently. Derek was happy to see that Jackson was moving, but also worried that he might hurt someone else. The thought of the kanima turning into it's full form in the hospital dragged Derek's stomach down with dread. He imagined the draconian creature flying through the wide hallways, it's scaly form taking up the entire passage.

"Look, somebody actually made an animation of it," Peter said, clicking on another link that opened a window with a video on it. Derek looked down at the screen, putting the phone down and leaning in close to the computer. "Maybe it's less frightening if we-" Peter was stopped by the horrifying display that took place after he clicked the play button. The beast shrieked at them, it's ghastly mouth displaying rows of teeth to the camera. Derek bolted upright, away from the computer as Peter shut the laptop. "Nope. We should probably meet them halfway."

"Scott, get him out of there now- go now," Derek said into the phone, imagining that screeching face flying down the halls as sick people run in fear.

X

"Derek, we need Lydia," Peter said. Derek had almost forgotten about the vital role that the girl played in curing Jackson. Because they were in love. They were in love, and Derek was out of the picture. However, he needed to get to Jackson before the boy woke up.

"There's no time!" he exploded.

"That's the problem. We're rushing," Peter said wisely. "We're moving too fast. And while everybody knows a moving target is harder to hit, here we are, racing right into Gerard's crosshairs."

Derek thought for a moment, analyzing what Peter was saying. However, Derek couldn't help his desire to try their theory without Lydia. Maybe Peter was wrong. He didn't know about his relationship with Jackson. Maybe he could save him, instead of Lydia. Maybe their love was strong enough. But he knew Peter would think that he's crazy. "If I get the chance to kill Jackson, I'm taking it," he said, trying to find a somewhat logical reason for leaving without Lydia. He hoped that he wasn't overestimating Jackson's love for him.

X

"Where are they?" Scott asked.

Derek looked around the warehouse, unable to account for anyone missing. "Who?" he asked.

"Peter and Lydia," Scott said insistently. Derek set his mouth in a grim line, unable to make up any more excuses. Unzipping the body bag, he looked down into the beautiful frozen face of his beloved mate. "Whoa, hold on a second, I thought you said you knew how to save him."

"We're past that," Derek said without realizing that Scott probably wouldn't understand what he meant. On the way to the warehouse, Derek had convinced himself that his and Jackson's love was far stronger than the boy's love for Lydia.


	9. Master Plan Part 2

"What- what about-" Scott McCall sputtered, hardly able to comprehend the fact that Derek was poised to kill Jackson. He'd only accepted the Alpha's help on the condition that they saved him instead of killing him.

"Think about it, Scott!" Derek spewed in return. "Gerard controls him now. He's turned Jackson into his own personal guard dog. And he set all of this in motion so that Jackson could get even bigger and more powerful." He only half believed the argument that he was making, but he had to admit that it was convincing. He'd already decided: the boy needed to die. It was a mercy killing. Gerard had the know-how and the skill to properly use a weapon as strong as a kanima. Matt was given a powerful gift with no idea of how to wield it. In turn, Jackson's real abilities hadn't even begun to show. But Gerard would make the perfect boy kill many more people. They would never get an opportunity to cure him with Gerard in the way. Even if they did, by then Gerard certainly would've had Jackson kill a much higher number of people. He knew that this weighing down on the sensitive boy's conscience would ruin him for life. There was only one solution.

Of course, Derek intended fully on killing himself shortly thereafter. There was no way he could live with the guilt of killing the only man he'd ever loved, nor could he live in a world without Jackson. They would die for one another, like Romeo and Juliet. A very fucked up version of Romeo and Juliet, but romantic all the same.

"No," Chris Argent's rumbling voice boomed through the warehouse. "No, he wouldn't do that. If Jackson's a dog, he's turning rabid, and my father wouldn't let a rabid dog live." Derek was slightly peeved at the man pointing out the holes in his logic. Why would Gerard have let him live thus long? Derek would much rather the boy die by his own hand than by the wrinkled hand of that monster.

"Of course not," an elderly voice echoed, impatient with his son's impedance. "Anything that dangerous-that out of control- is better off dead."

Looking down at the perfect, frozen face, Derek shrugged. If everyone in the room but Scott agreed that Jackson should die, then he'd finish the job. Raising a claw in the air, he took one final look at the flawless skin. Realizing that this would be the last time Derek would ever see Jackson alive caused a sharp pain in his heart. Surely they wouldn't meet in the afterlife; Jackson was much too good a person for hell, and Derek was a monster that belonged there. This would be the last moment they would ever spend together. His heart ached as he mourned the lost future. Yet, somehow the ache seemed different from the usual pain he felt. It was somehow sharper. Focusing on the boy's face, he saw that his eyes were open, yellow and reptilian. The pain wasn't from emotional trauma, but from the sharp claws digging into his chest. Jackson had awoken, and his claw was pushing into Derek's sternum, lifting off the ground and into the air. Derek was used to pain, but feeling the entire weight of his body pushing against the blade-like claws made him gasp in agony. Surprise took over his face as he realized that he may have lost the only chance he'd get to release Jackson from his lizard-like prison.

X

Recuperating from his injury, Derek transformed into his Beta form. He would need to control himself around the humans while fighting the kanima, so he couldn't trust himself to turn Alpha. Jumping over some debris, Derek found the creature just as it sent Chris flying across the sizable room. Roaring, he locked eyes with the beast.

Scott and Isaac joined the fight as Derek crossed claws with the kanima. He felt better with the two Betas at his side, aiding him in combat. Fighting as part of a pack always felt better. Despite the intense battle going on, Derek couldn't help feeling a pang of sadness at the thought that, in a better world, Jackson would've been part of his pack. Now the pack was trying to kill him.

The creature strategically separated the three pack members, fending them off one at a time, while the other two recovered before joining the fight. Eventually, it got the upper hand, and slid past Derek as he ran at the monster, a scaled claw slicing the Alpha across the stomach. Staggering, Derek felt the now-familiar toxin coursing through his body. Looking up helplessly from the floor, the man saw the novice werewolf fall to the floor. Behind him stood Allison, blades ready for revenge. Though it had been an accident, Derek was beginning to regret biting Victoria Argent. Crossing hunters was never a good idea, even if it was to save one of your pack. The young hunter looked like a vicious harpy as she drew closer to Derek, vengeance in her dark eyes.

"Allison!" The call broke the scornful look in the inexperienced girl's eyes. She looked to Scott, doubting herself. Suddenly, she froze as a scaled hand wrapped around her pale throat. She dropped her weapons, grabbing at her neck.

"Not yet, sweetheart," Gerard called, stepping out from the darkness.

"What are you doing?" Allison asked, scared.

"He's doing what he came here to do," Scott said, looking at the old man knowingly.

X

"Why didn't you tell me?" Derek asked, panting as he looked up at his Beta. The entire plan that he'd just heard seemed incredibly implausible. Gerard had taken control of the kanima just to bring Derek down so that he could get the bite? Surely there was an easier way. In fact, there had to be many easier ways. However, Scott had outsmarted him by switching his pills with mountain ash, knowing that it would make him reject the bite, as Jackson had. Derek almost felt proud of his Beta, though he didn't like that he wasn't in on the plan. Derek could've helped, and would've given Gerard the bite. He didn't like having secrets within his pack.

"Because, you might be an Alpha, but you're not mine," Scott said, looking down at the man with a mixture of disdain and pity. Suddenly, Derek felt like a child, being scolded by an adult. Despite the fact that Scott was both younger and a less powerful werewolf, Derek realized that he could learn a lot from the boy. He was both braver and had better intentions than his Alpha. Derek had recklessly chased after the kanima, trying to salvage his relationship and atone for his mistakes. In doing so, he had missed the big picture. Scott managed to see everything in perspective, and planned accordingly.

Feeling even more like useless baggage, Derek watched from the floor as Gerard commanded the kanima to kill everyone. Now Derek was unable to defend himself, much less anyone else. Dying didn't seem like such a bad idea at the moment, though. He was completely useless: paralyzed, and a failure as a leader. His uncle Peter had pointed it out earlier, and now it was clear. He wasn't cut out to be in a position of leadership. At each and every opportunity, Derek made the wrong decision. When he should've focused on finding a cure for Jackson, he chased the boy. When he should've been chasing him, he decided to search for a way to help. Instead of spending time finding perfect candidates for a pack, he'd rounded up a group of awkward teenagers who wanted more control over their own lives. Instead of teaching these kids how to use their powers and building a stronger pack, Derek let them fend for themselves while he was wrapped up in managing his mate. He wasn't fit to lead a pack, nor could he handle a relationship at the moment. Certainly not one of supernatural proportions at least. Finding love hadn't cured his problems, but exacerbated them. He made a silent promise to himself: if he somehow managed to live through this, he would manage to be a better leader, a more sensible lover, and a better rounded, harmonious person. For Jackson's sake.

X

Lydia held up a key, scorching through Jackson's kanima-haze. His consciousness bloomed, like a landscape as the morning sun burned away a dense fog. He saw the metal object, and felt a twinge of human emotion. He looked at it, remembering. Moments flashed before his eyes: kissing Lydia, holding Lydia, making love to Lydia, giving a key to Lydia, finding out that she kept the key as a keepsake from their relationship. One emotion swept through him: guilt. The last time he'd seen that key, he'd cheated on Derek. He'd kissed Lydia, despite the fact that Derek loved him. Derek trusted him.

His body reflected his change, morphing slowly into a human. He could feel the scales retracting as his real skin began to take over his form. Taking the key in his claw, Derek looked closely at the object before locking eyes with Lydia. She had been so good to him, and he'd treated her awfully. He'd kissed her out of feelings of guilt, but that only led him to feel guiltier when thinking about Derek. The perfect man almost felt like a dream, since he hadn't seen him in so long. Where had he been? Where had Jackson been? He could feel that time had passed, but he couldn't remember how long. It was like he'd been asleep for a long time, and was only now awakening. A tear rolled down Lydia's cheek as Jackson began to remember what it meant to feel normal again.

Behind them, he heard Derek struggling to stand as the small dosage of venom wore off. He breathed heavily, and Jackson could practically smell the pain coming off of the man. Why was Derek in such pain? Did he remember the night that he'd kissed Lydia as well? Jackson had the urge to tell Derek that it had meant nothing, and that he still loved him.

Stepping back from the girl, memories flooded Jackson's brain. He could suddenly remember glimpses of the time he'd been unconscious. He'd killed people. And he'd transformed into something else. Something horrific. Horrified with himself, Derek backed away, looking at the werewolf on the ground before him. His eyes glowed red as he took in the half-lizard boy. He understood that there was no way such a powerful, controllable creature could live. He knew what had to happen. He knew that he had to die.

Looking into the beautiful red eyes, Jackson spread his arms in submission. Nodding slightly, he saw the moment that Derek understood. Would he ever be able to forgive himself for killing the boy? Jackson hoped that the Alpha would understand that it was for the greater good. Yet, somehow, he knew that Derek would never fully forgive himself. Jackson was happy to die, especially if it meant that he could stop the torment that Derek was feeling. Surely chasing his mate wasn't an enjoyable task for the Alpha.

Derek ran forward, digging his claws deep into Jackson's abdomen. Simultaneously, Peter Hale ran from behind him, severing his spine with his sharp nails. The two men lifted him up, ensuring that the creature would die. A contorted look of pain overtook the lupine face in front of him. "I love you," Jackson managed to choke out. He knew that his lover had heard him as he was lowered to the ground, his wounds depleting him of his lifesblood.

Everyone looked on, horrified as Jackson collapsed into Lydia's arms. She whimpered as the pair fell to the floor. Derek continued backing away, a sickly look of regret and disbelief on his face. Somehow, in his final moments, Jackson Whittemore finally found peace. Looking past Lydia's shoulder, Jackson fixed his eyes on the man that he loved.

"Do you-" he breathed, belabored, "Do you still-"

All head turned from the dying boy to Derek. He looked at the boy, his eyes already wet with tears. Jackson's hopeful expression broke the Alpha's bitter heart. He crept closer, kneeling down beside the dying boy as Lydia's eyes went down to look at the shriveled form in her arms. "I do," Derek said, his voice cracking as he big his lip. Inhaling deeply, he continued "I do still love you."

Jackson seemed satisfied, now able to let go. Derek's hand brushed through the boy's hair one last time as he slumped further into Lydia's arms, his face now turned away from Derek. Sobbing, Lydia lied him down on the ground. Derek crumpled over the dead body as the scales disappeared. Lydia backed away, and soon the entire world seemed to have disappeared. Only Derek and his fallen lover existed. Finally, deep sobs overtook Derek's body. For so long, he hadn't allowed himself to feel for the boy. He convinced himself that everything was going to be okay. He told himself that Jackson never really loved him. He'd wrapped himself up in selfish guilt. He'd done everything but felt his emotions. Now, he let down the floodgates. He didn't care if anyone knew. He didn't care if anyone saw him weak. He didn't care that it hurt. He didn't care about anything but mourning the beautiful boy. Such a loss deserved to be mourned.

Finally, Derek stood, turning to the group. He was aware that he'd have a lot of explaining to do, and that they would need to find a proper way to explain what had happened. But at the moment, none of it matter. Hunching his shoulders forward, Derek turned his face from the group as he wiped his tear-soaked face. He generally hated showing emotion in front of others, because he felt it portrayed him as weak and compromised his authority. He avoided what he was sure would be sympathetic gazes from the group in front of him. None of them could possibly begin to comprehend what he was feeling, though they'd all act as if they understood.

Suddenly, Derek was aware of the fact that everyone was not staring at him, but at the body behind him. Now cognizant of his surroundings, Derek heard a scratching noise behind him. He refused to believe that there was any way Jackson had lived through that ordeal. If he allowed the thought in, then it would only hurt more when he turned around to see the dead form on the ground. Only once he heard the distinct sound of Jackson's heartbeat could Derek bring himself to turn around.

Jackson's eyes opened, almost startled. Blue eyes looked out at the world, as a child whose head has just escaped the womb. Standing, the boy slowly straightened. Smoke rose around his lithe form, eerily illuminated by the Jeep's headlights. The sight seemed otherworldly; Jackson, like a phoenix from the ashes of its former life, rose and emitted a bestial roar. The sound rang like a beautiful melody in Derek's ears. More tears would've escaped his carefully-constructed dam, but Derek was far too awe-struck by the sight to do anything but stare numbly. He couldn't believe his eyes. Despite all of the supernatural elements of his life, Derek had never even imagined something this glorious was possible.

Transforming once more into a human, Jackson looked around before his eyes settled on Derek. Breathing hard, he searched the man for answers. Without allowing another moment to go to waste, Derek ran forward and embraced the boy. His thick arms wrapped beneath Jackson's pulling their bodies close together. Derek pressed his body into the boy's wanting to convince himself that what he was seeing was reality. Still incredulous, he kissed the top of the boy's head.

Bewildered and disoriented, Jackson hesitated before he realized what was happening. He then returned the hug, wrapping his arms around the man's waist. Breathing in the scent of his neck, Jackson wanted to remain in the man's arms forever. For the first time in longer than he could account for, the boy felt safe.

X

"Well this all would've been easier if you'd just told me," Peter Hale said, somewhat sarcastically. Derek shot him an aggravated look as he wrapped a protective arm closer around Jackson. Peter was in the front seat, driving while Derek held Jackson in the backseat. Glancing in the rear-view mirror, Peter relented. The couple had been through enough that night without him adding to it. Granted, nobody had shown him any sympathy when he'd risen from the dead, but apparently that trick was getting overdone lately.

"I still don't get it, though," Derek said, resting his head atop Jackson's. "You said that he'd have to resolve his issues with Lydia before he could become a werewolf instead of a kanima."

"True, a kanima does have to resolve it's issues before it can become a werewolf. And I was fairly certain it had nothing to do with the parents that Jackson never knew," Peter said, pausing as he tried to word his response clearly.

"But," Jackson picked up, looking in Derek's eyes, "it wasn't Lydia that I had an issue with. It was keeping our love a secret. When you told me that you loved me in front of everybody else, I could move on." He wrapped the blanket more tightly around himself, no longer wishing to expose himself to the entire world. Nearly half of Beacon Hills had seen him naked by now.

Derek leaned forward, using his free hand to search for something in the passenger seat in front of them. Smiling, he retracted his hand. "Now that you're a werewolf," Derek said, almost giddy with joy as he said the last word, "you're gonna need one of these."

Pushing the boy forward slightly, Derek dressed him in the garment he'd gotten from the front seat. Looking at his reflection in the darkened window, Jackson smiled, nearly laughing. He the looked down, admiring his new leather jacket.


End file.
